I just had only my second tattoo ever inked onto my right wrist. Tattoos are such a wonderful and personal way to express yourself. The message a tattoo image conveys may be very straight forward (such as an admiration for a particular character, musician, quote, etc…) while others hold a deeper meaning that requires further analysis.
Mine may seem direct with its meaning, but every aspect of it was specifically chosen to reflect my mindset.
I picked the word “courage” as a reminder to myself that I need to focus beyond any daily struggle with which I may have to cope. My battle with depression has overwhelmed me at times in recent months. There are many things contributing to this, but my long-standing inability to allow myself to truly relax and to stress about practically everything certainly doesn’t help. It requires courage to fight through these moments when I’m feeling like there’s nothing in my life worth fighting for. Trust me, that’s a truer definition of courage than most would realize. I’ve always been truthful with those I’m close to about nearly everything. I am guilty, however, of brushing off their concerns with an “I’m okay/ alright” or “everything’s fine”. There have been so many days where I’m weary of fighting so hard and having nothing change; of just wanting to not be here struggling with the everyday bullshit anymore. And yes, that means exactly what you think it means. Sorry, but there’s no point in writing this if I’m not completely open and honest about these thoughts/ feelings. I’ve made “always” promises to a select few people as well and that still carries weight with me.
The next component of my tattoo was the semicolon. It was adopted by The Mental Health Association in 2013 as a symbol to help promote awareness and aid in the fight against the stigma attached to mental health issues. A semicolon is used when a writer could have ended a sentence, but chose not to. It has since become a very popular subject matter for tattoos. Knowing this, I wanted to incorporate it into my own design, but with more personalization. I chose to make the period of the semicolon a heart because I firmly believe that my empathy and compassion are the very best parts of me and a heart symbolizes those elements. The purple splotch of color is representative of several ideas. It also happens to be my favorite color. It resembles a drop of paint which speaks of my creativity and love of art. The purple color and heart together give remembrance to the Purple Heart which is awarded to military individuals for their bravery. I do believe myself to be brave otherwise I wouldn’t still be here battling my demons.
Lastly is my choice of the font style. I love the flow of cursive writing and it definitely looks beautiful when used as tattoo script. The problem was that anyone who truly knows me realizes that it really isn’t me. I’m generally blunt and more straightforward when conversing with someone. The typewriter style font I chose suits this personality trait better than flow-y, loopy cursive lettering would have. It also helps showcase my love of reading by resembling the printed word.
Listen, I understood how difficult it is to be around and interactive with a person struggling with depression. And I know that everyone has their own problems and I don’t ever want to be a burden to those I care about. My hope is that the constant, visible reminder of this tattoo will help me overcome my more difficult days. It also helps to know that I have the most amazing support group in those I call my friends. I hope I make it abundantly clear to each of my friends how vital they are to me. They’re the fuel for my continuing ability to keep pushing forward. I love you ladies.
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